Since I got my abscess almost two years ago, I went through so much mental and emotional ups and downs. Depression for a few months and then acceptance of the whole thing. I always felt like I was living in one of my nightmares and couldn't wake up. But then again I have seen and heard worse online and on this forum. SI prayed for all of you. And hoped for healing for all of us. And so I finally accepted this disease, but was not going to give up on HOPE4 complete healing. Even if it was going to be sometime in the far future.
So 2 years ago a CRS placed the seton and I remember the her telling me something about incontinence, and that she didn't want to risk that for me. When I asked her "when can it be removed?" She looked at me like I was asking the hardest question in the world. She didn't have an answer. Then a year later the other CRS told me to leave it alone. I too kept asking "Why did I let this happen. How could I have prevented it. And many tears later I just decided to accept it and be glad it was not worse. But definitely hating it every bit of the way, but also glad that it made me a more humble person. I had a lot of faith that I would eventually heal, somehow. But didn't know how. I still had some hope things would get better, but didn't have any idea how. I truly believed it would be in the far future, but how far?
I realized the seton needed to be there to heal the fistula (which was as large as a man's fist) but now that the fistula seemed pretty much healed the seton keep it from completely healing, right? I mean how can it heal completely with a seton there? My seton was not very thick and it was made of satin.
But, I have to tell you all YESTERDAY, just yesterday I realized something!! I didn't feel the seton like I normally do. Like I feel it irritating my skin. I feel it poking me sometimes. I sometimes bleed a little. It hurts sometimes (stinging sensations), but the last few days I felt nothing. Like it was gone! How? I thought they stayed there until a surgeon removed it? No one would touch me! I felt like a prisoner with the seton in me at times.
So I was very scared because my hope was growing and I didn't want to be disappointed. But I finally decided to get to the bottom of all this. I was going to feel for it as I normally do in the shower. So I did. And guess what? It was gone!!!!!! My seton is gone!!!!! It must have fallen out a few days ago I guess. Probably in the toilet during a long wiping session (as usual). I remember about a month ago it seemed to be hanging lower than normal. I even accidently yanked on it a bit by accident and boy did that hurt! And it bleed, and anyway, I was having issues again with it poking me and making me uncomfortable. So I decided to try and push the hanging part back inside a bit. That helped, but it would keep falling out again.
I am guessing one of the knots somehow loosened? Or maybe the seton began to fall apart? I don't know what happened but all I can say is "thank you Jesus!!" My hope was not in vain!
I feel no pain. No irritation. No bleeding. I don't think there is any drainage either, but not 100% sure. I haven't worn a gauze all day today and so far I feel no skin irritation so far. I am still in shock. I am still in awe. I feel that this is what I have prayed for for 2 years. I remember praying "God just take it out yourself. Let it just come out on it's own, please!" and my prayer finally came to pass. I am so happy!!!! I hope I am not celebrating too soon because I realize that CSR's probably believe I could get another abscess but somehow I don't believe that. I believe I am healed. And to top it off I am on a special diet for Crohns. I have been for over 2 years. And it keeps my symptoms away (except when I majorly cheated and got the abscess almost 2 years ago).
Anyway, I want to tell you that though I don't know all your situations exactly, I think that there is hope for you too. Maybe you don't have to have surgery (i never did) Maybe you just need time to heal? Maybe if you change your diet too it could help you heal? I made major changes without drugs and I am better. I feel like I just woke up from my fistula nightmare!!! I hope to God that I never get another abscess and I am going to keep hoping. But for now. I am forever healed of it. I believe!!
Love you all, and hope you all don't have to suffer much longer!